I’ve been abit quiet over the last few months here at Diabetes1.org - my heart really hasn't been into writing - though I've come up with some brill ideas - then they get stomped on with all that's going on. It’s been very difficult to sit down at the keyboard, and think of composing anything that makes sense. I think in order to get back to being able to write again, I first have to sort thru’ all that has been plaguing my heart over the past few months.
As usual, it has nothing to do with my diabetes health, though it has been affected in some ways, but it’s nothing serious and will eventually go back to normal (I hope – only time heals as the saying goes). It is due to the sudden death of my FIL at the end of July and the changes in our life lately as we try to help sort out my FIL’s paperwork that sadly is very disorganised and having no will/executor has not helped. The shock of it is slowly in setting in, as my DH and others have been busy with helping his Mum face the reality of the huge home she lives in and how to survive alone. It does not help that she is an alcoholic, and prior to my FIL’s departure from Earth, was on a bender (binge drinking). So even for her, the reality of what occurred has been difficult to comprehend, let alone all of us, with her mind cloudy with substances.
Dealing with my MIL has been very hard on us, and mainly my reason for my anger. Little things that slip out from time to time from her lips makes me wonder, if she had been more with it, over the 2 week binge she’d been on prior to my FIL’s death, would those “he was complaining of stomach problems” – which can be associated with a upcoming heart attack meant he might still be here? So many questions go thru’ our heads, and it’s hard to stop them from forming up to ask more questions, as we deal with my MIL’s in/out sessions with the bottle over the last few months since my FIL’s death, and what dribbles out of her mouth that either makes sense or not. Just a lot of crap goes thru’ your mind with someone who is not always “with it” – and able to think properly – let alone walk down a flight of stairs in a house / or drive (my MIL has taken tumbles down the home stairs and driven under the influence - crikey).
We had hoped that maybe this would make her snap out of it, but now realising it’s hard to suddenly stop an addiction with a snap of a finger, when it’s been ongoing for many decades. Sadly, some of my DH’s family members denied that there was a problem for many years, that “oh, she only has a drink when she gets home from work, to relieve the stress”. It’s like; there are other ways of relieving the burdens of life rather than using alcohol/drugs/whatever. In away, I’m glad that my parents didn’t have alcohol in the house and the other thing that is perhaps a blessing in disguise. Having a hypo (low blood sugar) when you are a diabetic, is much like an alcoholic person. Because of that, drinking to the point where I’d be fighting to remain normal / conscious has never been my cup of tea. Also, being addicted to anything scares the shit out of me (and one of the reasons I don’t keep bags of crisps in the house or chocolates – those are MY addiction in life – bad for my diabetes – bad for the waist line LOL). When I feel the need to divulge in these "addictions" of mine - I just do something else like sewing or reading (e.g. use your search engine - type out "100 Things to do instead of drinking" and you'll be amazed at what you come across - who needs to drink or binge out on crisps).
So, as the holiday season approaches (Thanksgiving in Canada takes place in a few weeks) – and Christmas. It is going to be very hard not to have my FIL around, with his sarcastic sense of humour that we loved, be present at these functions. He was the main reason for making us want to visit my DH’s family, since he not only needed us to help out at home, but also to give him a boost up of laughter and someone to talk to about his problems with his wife. Sadly, most of our visits home, my MIL was drinking, and we always wondered if she remembered us being there for a weekend visit. On top of this, my FIL had to watch over his wife to ensure she didn’t set the house on fire, fall down the stairs but at the same time, deal with his own health condition of Alzheimer’s that he’d been diagnosed with in the late 1990’s. He actually was part of a study for a new type of drug that was greatly improving his condition - he was like the Wonder Boy. NB: We have found out that since August the study has been shelved due to problems with other patients – and questions arise in our heads if this could have been a factor in his early death? Only the autopsy the family had requested at the time of his death will perhaps reveal more – and the study group wants to know this information as well.
If any of you are reading my dribbles and have gotten this far perhaps you are in a similar situation with a loved one, with a problem with alcohol? Well, rest assure that there are many great organisations out there to help you, such as Alcoholic Anonymous (more for the user once they ADMIT they have a problem) and for family/friends there is Al-Anon . There are also MANY great forums out there that you can join up to - there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us is my only way of coping with all of this!