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Anna's Blog

My Heart is Full of Anger


Anna's Blog
By: FatCatAnna

The Roller Coaster Ride of Diabetes! Whoo! Whoo!

I am a Type 1 diabetic diagnosed back in the early 60's as a child.  I am living in Montreal, Canada and enjoy scribbling about diabetes from time to time. I’ve had my ups / downs just like any person would experience with going through life - diabetic or not.  My motto in life?  Diabetes does not control me – I control it!! 

You can find more posts/discussions at my Facebook page called "The Roller Coaster Ride of Diabetes" and also on Twitter under the name of FatCatAnna.  Feel free to follow me at both places or send me a private message!


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 Blog Entries
The joys of having Bowie my CGMS – Chapter 1 - Sep 02
 Okay, for those of you who have never read my #dblogs before, I give names to all my little gizmos that I use for controlling my diabetes.  What we have today, ...
more
In a slump and scared - Jul 21
It’s rare for me to compose a #dblog that is not all “chirpy chirpy” … I think the last time I did one that was kind of down was at Diabetes1.org ...
more
Surviving the Holocaust with Type 1 diabetes - Mar 27
  " To the best of my knowledge, I am the only diabetic who survived years of imprisonment in German concentration camps. This is my story "   The above words ...
more
Sugar and Your Health - Mar 06
The other day I emptied out a 4 kg (about 10 lbs) of white sugar that I had dated a year ago when I opened it.  I use white sugar purely for cooking (I make my own ...
more
Eating from the ground - Yuca Fries - Feb 20
I am home now from a working holiday, in the Bahamas and Miami.  Despite the weather being abit cooler then normal (they only get 2 weeks of winter - we were there in ...
more
Posted: Sep 29, 2012 12:46
  • 3 Comments.
  • My Heart is Full of Anger

    I’ve been abit quiet over the last few months here at Diabetes1.org - my heart really hasn't been into writing - though I've come up with some brill ideas - then they get stomped on with all that's going on.  It’s been very difficult to sit down at the keyboard, and think of composing anything that makes sense.  I think in order to get back to being able to write again, I first have to sort thru’ all that has been plaguing my heart over the past few months.

    As usual, it has nothing to do with my diabetes health, though it has been affected in some ways, but it’s nothing serious and will eventually go back to normal (I hope – only time heals as the saying goes).  It is due to the sudden death of my FIL at the end of July and the changes in our life lately as we try to help sort out my FIL’s paperwork that sadly is very disorganised and having no will/executor has not helped.  The shock of it is slowly in setting in, as my DH and others have been busy with helping his Mum face the reality of the huge home she lives in and how to survive alone.  It does not help that she is an alcoholic, and prior to my FIL’s departure from Earth, was on a bender (binge drinking).  So even for her, the reality of what occurred has been difficult to comprehend, let alone all of us, with her mind cloudy with substances.



    Dealing with my MIL has been very hard on us, and mainly my reason for my anger.  Little things that slip out from time to time from her lips makes me wonder, if she had been more with it, over the 2 week binge she’d been on prior to my FIL’s death, would those “he was complaining of stomach problems” – which can be associated with a upcoming heart attack meant he might still be here?  So many questions go thru’ our heads, and it’s hard to stop them from forming up to ask more questions, as we deal with my MIL’s in/out sessions with the bottle over the last few months since my FIL’s death, and what dribbles out of her mouth that either makes sense or not.  Just a lot of crap goes thru’ your mind with someone who is not always “with it” – and able to think properly – let alone walk down a flight of stairs in a house / or drive (my MIL has taken tumbles down the home stairs and driven under the influence - crikey).

    We had hoped that maybe this would make her snap out of it, but now realising it’s hard to suddenly stop an addiction with a snap of a finger, when it’s been ongoing for many decades.  Sadly, some of my DH’s family members denied that there was a problem for many years, that “oh, she only has a drink when she gets home from work, to relieve the stress”.  It’s like; there are other ways of relieving the burdens of life rather than using alcohol/drugs/whatever.  In away, I’m glad that my parents didn’t have alcohol in the house and the other thing that is perhaps a blessing in disguise.  Having a hypo (low blood sugar) when you are a diabetic, is much like an alcoholic person.  Because of that, drinking to the point where I’d be fighting to remain normal / conscious has never been my cup of tea.  Also, being addicted to anything scares the shit out of me (and one of the reasons I don’t keep bags of crisps in the house or chocolates – those are MY addiction in life – bad for my diabetes – bad for the waist line LOL).  When I feel the need to divulge in these "addictions" of mine - I just do something else like sewing or reading (e.g. use your search engine - type out "100 Things to do instead of drinking" and you'll be amazed at what you come across - who needs to drink or binge out on crisps).

    So, as the holiday season approaches (Thanksgiving in Canada takes place in a few weeks) – and Christmas.  It is going to be very hard not to have my FIL around, with his sarcastic sense of humour that we loved, be present at these functions.  He was the main reason for making us want to visit my DH’s family, since he not only needed us to help out at home, but also to give him a boost up of laughter and someone to talk to about his problems with his wife.  Sadly, most of our visits home, my MIL was drinking, and we always wondered if she remembered us being there for a weekend visit.  On top of this, my FIL had to watch over his wife to ensure she didn’t set the house on fire, fall down the stairs but at the same time, deal with his own health condition of Alzheimer’s that he’d been diagnosed with in the late 1990’s.  He actually was part of a study for a new type of drug that was greatly improving his condition - he was like the Wonder Boy.  NB:  We have found out that since August the study has been shelved due to problems with other patients – and questions arise in our heads if this could have been a factor in his early death?  Only the autopsy the family had requested at the time of his death will perhaps reveal more – and the study group wants to know this information as well.

    If any of you are reading my dribbles and have gotten this far perhaps you are in a similar situation with a loved one, with a problem with alcohol?  Well, rest assure that there are many great organisations out there to help you, such as Alcoholic Anonymous (more for the user once they ADMIT they have a problem) and for family/friends there is Al-Anon .  There are also MANY great forums out there that you can join up to - there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us is my only way of coping with all of this!

    'Squared-circle/Curl Lamp Closed' by Hobvias Sudoneighm.

     

    Comments (3):
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  • By: : Oct, 02, 2012 17:19 PM
    Hi Anna, 

    Just dropping a quick note to say that I'm thinking of you as you unravel this situation.  It does not sound pleasant, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. 

    By: : Sep, 29, 2012 14:38 PM
    I am so sorry that you and your husband have to deal with this. I know what it is like to live with an alcoholic. It is very painful to watch the self destruction. You already know about Al-Anon, I see from your post. I can also relate to missing a family member with the upcoming holidays. I lost my dad 3 days before Christmas last year. As far the questions you ask about your FIL's death, it is so easy to ask why. Sometimes, there is just no answer to that one. I certainly wasn't ready to lose a parent at 40. My heart goes out to you. I pray for peace for both of you.

    By: Kelly59: Sep, 29, 2012 13:30 PM
    I am really sorry that you have to deal with this Anna. I know that has to be very hard for you. I don’t really understand the whys when people become alcoholics, but I do know they seem to throw everything they have away. One of my ex-neighbors is an alcoholic. She went to rehab several times and always started drinking again when she got out. I told her mother that she needs to move away because she hung out with people that drank and did drugs and was never going to get cleaned up as long as they were along. Her little girl is living with her sister because she chose the bottle over her kid. Pretty sad. I don’t know what the answer is for you. I know it has to be hard to watch someone you care about destroy themselves. Do they have rehabs in Canada for alcoholics? Maybe that would do her some good. She probably needs some grief counseling to deal with the loss of her husband.


    Tags:
    drinking (1) Alzheimer’s (1) alcohol (1) death (1) Alcoholics Anonymous (1) Al-Anon (1)

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